Divorce is one of the most difficult things a person can go through in their life. And with almost 40% of marriages in the United States ending in divorce, quite a few couples are likely to experience it at some point. When a divorce starts to get nasty, it makes the whole process even more difficult. Figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce is a big task. If you find that you’re going through a divorce, here are some important tips to remember during the process.
Take Care Of Yourself
One of the most difficult but equally important parts of figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce is making sure that you’re taking care of yourself. If you haven’t taken the proper precautions to make sure you are cared for, mentally and physically, then you’ll have a much tougher time.
When you’re figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce, your emotions will likely go through the wringer. Making big decisions, going through a loss, arguments with your ex, dealing with legal aspects, it can take a serious toll. So while you’re learning how to deal with a difficult divorce, make sure that you are caring for your emotional health. You may consider joining a support group to find friends you can talk to that have gone through the same thing. Visiting a therapist is also a great resource. A therapist will help you to work through your negative emotions and will teach you coping mechanisms to stay emotionally strong moving forward.
While it’s important to take care of your emotional health when you’re figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce, this does not mean you should push away or ignore any emotions you may be feeling. Let yourself feel. Let yourself take time to grieve, a divorce is the end of something. Let yourself feel angry. Let yourself feel whatever you need, but don’t dwell or drown in it. The key to keeping your emotional health strong is to acknowledge your emotions and then learn to move forward.
After your emotional health, it’s important to make sure you’re taking care of your physical health as well. Staying as active as possible will not only make sure that you can stay on top of your physical health but also release endorphins that will help your emotional state be more positive. Physical activity can also help to relieve tension, anger, and anxiety.
You should also make sure you are getting good nutrients through a healthy diet. Aside from remaining physically active, you need to take care of your physical health. If you’re experiencing serious stress and anxiety, this can impact your physical health as well. If you’re experiencing negative side effects from these emotional ailments, seek out different healthcare solutions for help. A doctor may prescribe a medication or a certain activity to help you ease the negative impacts.
Make Time For Fun
As you’ll surely be spending a great deal of time making big decisions, dealing with divorce lawyer services, and having difficult conversations, it’s important that you still find time to enjoy yourself and relax.
Schedule time to have some self-care, whether that’s a spa night, or some time out in the sun. Start to learn a new hobby that can take your time and help you to think of other things. If the lack of a ring on your finger feels empty or makes you think about your divorce, buy yourself a diamond ring to symbolize your inner strength and remind you of that.
However, you shouldn’t completely isolate yourself. Plan some time with friends to do activities that can help you put away all of the issues you’re dealing with and have some fun. Take a short road trip with some close friends to start making new memories. Free time will help you to release some tension and feel less stressed.
Surround Yourself With Good People
A big part of figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce is to find your “people”. Surrounding yourself with good friends and family who can help lift you up and support you is important to have during any difficult time, but especially when you’re going through a difficult divorce.
As previously mentioned, joining a support group for people going through a divorce is a great way to meet people who know what you’re going through. You can make new friends that are further along in the divorce process and can give you helpful suggestions for how to cope with your emotions, resources they found useful, and just how to deal with a difficult divorce in general.
However, supportive people don’t just let you wallow in misery. They will let you feel your emotions but also try to help you as you learn to move on and become a better, stronger person. Surround yourself with people who want to help you move forward.
Be Gentle With Your Children
While you’re doing everything to take care of yourself and ensure that a difficult divorce process goes smoothly, you must also make sure that your children are cared for as they should be. Divorce can be just as difficult, and the child custody law side of it is no joke. Young children can’t fully understand what is going on and without the right attention and patience, will only suffer the negative effects of a divorce.
Telling your child about your divorce can be a tough subject to bring up. You have to prepare and make sure that you know ahead of time everything you’d like to say before you actually sit down to break it to them. It’s a good idea to have both parents present to have the conversation. This ensures that you can both have the same front when talking with them. Realize that if you have children of different ages, you may have to have further conversations with children who are older and have more questions.
As you go through the divorce process, you’ll likely have a lot of meetings and even court appearances you’ll have to attend. While your child may need to be present at some of them, it’s not a great idea to bring them to all of these meetings. You may want to look up the best day schools in the area as a place for your younger children to stay while you attend these different meetings.
Child custody battles can be nasty during a difficult divorce. There are even times when parents are only given the option to put child up for adoption based on the inability to pick a suitable home for them. While you will likely be fighting for custody of your children, recognize that your ex may also be trying to get full custody. Do your best to be civil and show that you are a suitable choice for custody over your children.
Pick Your Battles
One big part of figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce is to learn how to pick your battles. There are some things that are worth fighting for and others that are better off left out to ease some potential conflict and stress. There’s no reason to fight over small possessions or items and make the divorce nastier then it needs to be.
It may be a good idea to sit down and make a list of the things that are really important to you or that you have a tie. This includes specific possessions, time with your children, etc. Be prepared to defend yourself regarding those things when you’re working with your family law attorney. If your ex is the kind of person that makes snippy, snide comments, figure out a way to ignore them or not comment. The more you start fighting back and forth about the meaningless things, the more difficult it will be to win the important, big battles.
Don’t Make Quick Decisions
Figuring out how to deal with a difficult divorce is all about learning to make important decisions. You will be working with an attorney and your ex to divide items, money, custody of your children, and more. These are not decisions that should be made spur of the moment. Learn to get the time you need to weigh out what is important to you and what is worth it to you. As previously mentioned, picking your battles is important when it comes to making decisions. Take the time you need to be prepared to make the best decision for you and your family. Don’t make a spur of the moment decision when you’re wrapped up in emotions.
Don’t Put Off Your Responsibilies
While going through a difficult divorce will certainly take a lot of energy out of you, you can’t let that keep you from getting your responsibilities done. These responsibilities include the most important things, taking care of yourself, taking care of your family, getting work done, paying bills, etc. If you’re traveling a lot as you figure out the divorce and make decisions, set up a portable office so that you can get work done wherever you are and wherever you can find an internet connection. As you care for your mental and physical health, try out some of the previously mentioned tips. If you don’t have the time to get your kids to all of their scheduled activities, get help from friends and family. Do what you need to get the help you need so you don’t fall behind on important responsibilities.
When people are learning how to deal with a difficult divorce, one of their biggest downfalls is to spend time gossiping and talking with people around them about the things happening in their relationship. While you surely need to have a few trusted friends that you can talk to about things, you should keep your lips sealed to other people that have no business knowing.
For example, if you see an old friend that you haven’t talked to in a while and they ask how your ex is doing, simply tell them “We aren’t together anymore, but I think they are doing well.”. Speaking in closed sentences will keep a lot of people from prying and asking more questions. There will undoubtedly be those who still ask questions, but you need to understand that you don’t owe an explanation to anyone. It’s better for you to keep the information to yourself.
When you do choose to talk with people about what is going on, it’s important to focus on the facts. There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in a divorce and you want to be careful what you say based on emotions versus based on facts. For example, if you’re talking with family about what’s going on with your divorce separation and property agreements, you want to make sure you share actual facts. Especially if your friends or family end up needing to testify in court for any reason, you want to make sure they know what’s really going on, not just how you’re feeling.
Learning how to deal with a difficult divorce is a tough process. It will require a lot of hard work and patience with yourself and those around you. You’ll need to learn how to balance making big decisions by taking care of your family and getting responsibilities done at the same time. As long as you follow these previously mentioned tips and take care of yourself and your family, you will be able to come through the divorce a stronger person and move forward in your life.